Recently, I wrote about corporal punishment and its proper use for younger children who are not mature enough for moral reasoning.   or perhaps have made an egregious error of judgment that threatens their safety or show signs of willfulness, defiance of your authority, or disrespect, thus making spanking a necessity to reinforce your authority.  I don’t believe that spanking is appropriate for older children, though.  By the time they reach maybe 9 or 10, they should be maturing enough to want to follow your rules, seeing that your rules are sound and practical with only occasional problems with disobedience or disrespect, but at those times, they are old or mature enough that you can handle the infraction by withholding privileges or other forms of discipline.  Corporal punishment for older children is not appropriate because it is demeaning, taking away their dignity.  You do not want your punishment to take away their self-respect or to break their spirit.  You are only trying to shape their behavior, not “take them down a few notches” or “show them who’s boss.”  Both of those attitudes toward discipline show a lack of respect for the person and dignity of the child and perhaps call into question whether the parent really does love and honor the child as a unique being with rights. 

As your child gets older, you are gradually preparing them for the adult world.  So you should be gradually increasing responsibility and should be giving them signs that you respect them as individuals.  If you do not accomplish these things and instead control, belittle, criticize, or otherwise abuse your child, you cannot expect your child to be ready for adulthood when the time comes.  Moreover, these actions will most likely break your child’s spirit and drive them into dysfunctional behaviors.  I've known parents over the years that used such tactics, reasoning that they were making their child tough and strong, claiming that it's a dog-eat-dog world, so you have to prepare them for that by giving them a little taste of it at home.  This is the reasoning of the enemy.  Such methods used on a child when they are tender and innocent can wound them deeply, making them weaker  by far, hobbling them for life rather than strengthening them. 

Parenting is not easy.  If you want to do it right, you must be willing to do the hard work to get it right. The amount of effort, thought, and time that you put into your parenting responsibilities will speak volumes about the quality of your love for your child.  And getting it right requires a lot of time in prayer, Scripture meditation, and meditation about God and His Ways, Mind, Heart, and Character. Or you can seek advice from older Christian parents who have raised their children successfully and still have meaningful relationships with their children.   Of course, there is one other way to approach parenting.  You can go “rogue” and try to do it without God’s help, but there are so many ways to mess up your responsibilities as a parent, possibly hobbling your poor, defenseless, innocent, and unschooled child for life.  Thankfully, if you do all things in love with the best intent, “love will cover a multitude of sins”  as your children will realize, in time, that you are not perfect, but that you most definitely love them and want what’s best for them.  Spending that time in those spiritual activities, I learned a lot about parenting from God as He took advantage of these times when I was with Him or thinking about Him or Scripture, etc., to  implant much of His Wisdom in me about all things, including wisdom about parenting. 

And He did so in a timely manner, giving me bits and pieces of His Wisdom at the very time when I needed them to apply to the training, discipline, spiritual teaching, loving interactions, or mentorship of my children.  He was always faithful to give me what I needed to be a good parent – not a perfect one, mind you, but a good one.  A “perfect” parent is a myth that some fool themselves into believing based on their very limited moral reasoning, boundaries, and choice of rules.  In fact, an imperfect parent is better because they can produce many teaching opportunities for their children if they are humble enough to admit their mistakes and courageous enough to set right the wrongs they have done. In doing so, they can teach their children two important lessons:  (1) that everyone makes mistakes,this being a common experience, so it is not the “end of the world” as they say, and (2) that mistakes must be confessed and set right.  If you try to be a perfect parent and hide your faults from your children or deny that you have faults out of pride, you will inadvertently teach your children about deception and manipulation of others.  You will also teach them that the rules don’t matter or that the rules are situational or relative and unstable (with certain privileged people like yourself being given carte blanche to ignore the rules).  Moreover, you will teach them that one must be perfect or at least appear to be (a legalistic, limited morality that is not Scriptural nor pleasing to God), that one must always be in control of all things all the time (which, of course, is an illusion), that one should never stoop to humility, always keeping the prideful image propped up, and that the deeper things of the heart (which God is really after) are not that important.


More on this tomorrow.  May you have a blessed day filled with God's love and blessings. 
 


Comments

01/26/2017 7:19am

Asserting authority and letting them know who's boss is quite important a parenting skill although not many use it to the full potential. It's equally important to let them know that you care about them according to my inspections.

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This is just the information I am finding everywhere. Thanks for your blog, I just subscribe your blog. This is a nice blog.

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Thanks very much for this great article;this is the stuff that keeps me going through out these day.

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02/08/2017 5:53am

I’m motivated with all the surpassing and also preachy record which you supply in such tiny timing.

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    I'm a retired soldier, having spent 23 years of my life serving our country, actually 30 years when you count the reserve and National Guard time as well.  I believe in servant leaders, following the example of our Lord, and I believe in giving back to the troops once one has attained a certain status or level of success in life.  But I also believe in fighting back against corruption and incompetence wherever you find it if it hurts people.  Our national values were worth dying for.  They are also worth living for.  A man or woman can actually live a life by these principles of humility, service, love, duty, and honor, and have a significant impact on the world around them...if you have the dedication to see it through. 

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