One critical ingredient is the recognition that we are flawed and the willingness to admit it to the other person.  I fully confess that I was not so good at this part early in our marriage.  As a young man, like most young men, my pride often got in the way, and I found it hard to humble myself.  God has worked much of that pride out of me over time, often chastening me or allowing me to be broken completely or to have embarrassing, humbling things happen to me so that I would recognize my shortcomings and realize that I was no better than anyone else.  I have taken the lessons to heart, though, and find it quite easy now to admit when I am wrong and to say I am sorry.  The lessons I have learned about humility also make me cautious about thinking that I am beyond danger in this area.  The Bible warns us that in those moments when we believe we are beyond sin that our pride will cause us to stumble (1 Cor. 10:12).

Another ingredient to a healthy marriage is a complete commitment to the marriage.  You may remember the wedding vows that many people take:  “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”  This vow represents a total commitment to your spouse for a lifetime, no matter what may come your way.  Such a commitment requires control of your thoughts, not ever allowing you to even think about divorce.  Once you start entertaining thoughts of divorce, you play into Satan’s hands who will then tempt you with worse thoughts and a deeper commitment to the idea of divorce, making you think that you’d be better off without the other person, which you certainly will not.

As an extension to this idea of keeping your thoughts about your marriage ever positive, you should also never entertain bad thoughts of your spouse.  If you control your thoughts at the outset, not ever allowing yourself to entertain a negative thought about your spouse, always preferring to think of them in positive terms, you will never even get to the stage of entertaining thoughts of divorce.  This positive mindset toward your spouse does not mean that your spouse has no faults, but you are no better than your spouse.  Our pride often blinds us to our own faults, making us think that we are better than others, thus leading us to a judgmental attitude that overlooks our frailties and magnifies the faults of the other person.  So it’s best to always have a positive, non-judgmental attitude toward your spouse for the health of your marriage.

I pray that you will be guided by God in your relationships, especially your marriage and that you would be open to the conviction of the Holy Spirit about your own faults so that God can then teach you out of them.



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    I'm a retired soldier, having spent 23 years of my life serving our country, actually 30 years when you count the reserve and National Guard time as well.  I believe in servant leaders, following the example of our Lord, and I believe in giving back to the troops once one has attained a certain status or level of success in life.  But I also believe in fighting back against corruption and incompetence wherever you find it if it hurts people.  Our national values were worth dying for.  They are also worth living for.  A man or woman can actually live a life by these principles of humility, service, love, duty, and honor, and have a significant impact on the world around them...if you have the dedication to see it through. 


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