As I noted before, arranged marriages like the one in Monsoon Wedding were once very common.  Since we no longer practice this custom in the western world, most of us would think of it as a bad thing.  We want to be able to choose our mates for life.  But it’s probably not the worst way to be matched up with a spouse given the high divorce rate in the western world.  To be honest, when we first start out in marriage, we don’t know that much about love.  Over time, as we go through so many trials and both the good and bad times, we learn to love our spouses so much more.  Love that is tried in the fire, so to speak, becomes so much stronger and greater.  There are a number of movies out, such as the 1991 movie Sarah, Plain and Tall, which portray a once common practice of mail order brides.  In this movie, a widower, played by Christopher Walken, places an add in a newspaper for a bride to help him raise his children.   

In the movie, the two adults grow to love each other over time.  This is probably how most of us learn to love our mates over time.  We think we know our spouses in the beginning, but we are just starting to find out who they really are, and to be honest, just finding out who we ourselves really are.  Over time, we change and develop into better people, helped in the process by having someone committed to love us, and hopefully, helped by God as we maintain a constant commitment to prayer, Bible study, and meditation on His Word to help us grow.  This commitment, of course, is the real, significant part of love, the commitment to our spouse, no matter what, for better or worse.  Certainly the emotional part is important and is part of the equation.  But the foundation upon which our marriage and our love are built is the commitment.  This is why many “trial” relationships fail.  Many people foolishly decide to shack up to “test drive” each other to see if they are really compatible with an understanding that they could bail out at any moment.  

Such trial relationships are doomed from the beginning because there is no commitment as a foundation on which to build their love.  Nobody’s love relationship is complete and stable in the beginning.  Our relationships, just like our character, must grow.  But if we destabilize that relationship by refusing to commit to it, how could it possibly grow into something better?  It is hobbled from the beginning by our own foolishness and selfishness as we continue to hold back and deny the relationship the nourishment of sacrificial and unselfish giving of our hearts.  Real love requires commitment from the beginning or it will not grow.  The deep trust that we give to each other and to our relationship requires the stability of knowing we are both committed and that our hearts are "safe" in the relationship.  But if we are committed, in time our love most definitely grows into something better, something more beautiful and more concrete.  When we are young and first starting out, we know so little about life and so little about ourselves, but with a commitment to each other, and with God to help us keep that commitment, we will be amazed at what our marriages can become.   

I pray that you will all come to know what it means to have such committed relationships, if not to another person, certainly in a covenant relationship to God Whose Love far surpasses anything a human can attain to.     
 


Comments

12/29/2016 12:28am

You don't have to let frustration, anger and conflict be at the center of your marriage. I know that you want and desire something better for your marriage and family. Find out more here about fixing your broken marriage.

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01/18/2017 3:57am

I think relationships depends upon the understanding between two people no matter whether its a love or arrange marriage. If there is no trust there is no meaning of any relationship. I agree with some of your points discussed by this post.

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    I'm a retired soldier, having spent 23 years of my life serving our country, actually 30 years when you count the reserve and National Guard time as well.  I believe in servant leaders, following the example of our Lord, and I believe in giving back to the troops once one has attained a certain status or level of success in life.  But I also believe in fighting back against corruption and incompetence wherever you find it if it hurts people.  Our national values were worth dying for.  They are also worth living for.  A man or woman can actually live a life by these principles of humility, service, love, duty, and honor, and have a significant impact on the world around them...if you have the dedication to see it through. 

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