If you ever are forced by circumstances to establish rules or give privileges that seem to favor one child over the other, be ready and willing to explain your reasoning and why your actions are still morally sound, fitting the Biblical principles that you follow in your family, and why the treatment, therefore, is not unequal.  To give you an example, one acceptable reason for difference in treatment is the maturity of the child, usually gauged by age.  If you have done your job as a parent well, at certain ages, they are ready to take on more privilege because they can better use the new privilege without straying off the path or without bringing harm to themselves.  Some of the rules that we have tied to age and maturity in our own family are: the wearing of make-up for girls; the watching of certain movies as they are ready at a certain point to morally reason through what they are seeing and know which behaviors portrayed in the movie are acceptable and which are not; bed times are a privilege that is certainly tied to age and maturity, with the older children being allowed to establish their own sleeping times within reasonable boundaries and as long as they do not disturb others who must go to bed earlier, including their parents. 

This is a short list just to give you an idea.  And with some of the privileges, you will still have to monitor them to ensure the privilege is not being abused to the point that they bring difficulty upon themselves or that they violate some of the moral principles upon which the household is run.  But the granting of privileges is a necessary step to gradually allow them to take on the privilege and responsibility of adults.  If you shelter them too much, when they finally do fly the nest to college or other independent life moves, then they will not be ready and will possibly fall prey to excessive behaviors that will threaten their health, their reputation, or their walk with God.  It is imperative that you prepare them for this day of independence and that they embrace the right moral principles ahead of this time for themselves rather than simply following the rules because you said so.  If you teach them to think for themselves and work through some problems for themselves while you stand back and observe to make sure that they remain safe, then you will know that they are ready to walk on their own outside of your over-watch when that time comes.  It should be a gradual process.

All things within the house should be done according to love.  Communication undergirds all these activities and responsibilities listed previously on this topic.  If you truly want your child to become a successful adult and to successfully follow your rules within the home, you must be willing every single time to drop whatever it is that you are doing and to listen to them respectfully when they come to you needing to tell you something.  If you continue in your activity, whether it be a household chore or some form of entertainment such as watching television or reading, and you do not look up to make eye contact, or if you continue on with the activity while they talk, barely listening to what they say, you are sending an unmistakable message.  The message you are sending is that they are unimportant, less important than the book you are reading or the television program you are watching or even the household chore that you are performing.  This is not a message that you ever want to send to your child unless you are prepared for the dysfunctional behavior that they will display over time as they try to get your attention for some sign that you do love them or as they seek solace in reckless behavior for the pain and confusion you have caused within their hearts.  They are always more important than anything that you may be doing

Don’t fall for the lie that you can leave off your responsibilities to your children because you are doing something more important that is for them anyway.  In my youth, I did some unfortunate things which I am not proud of.  Like many of my peers, growing up in the 70s, I experimented with drugs.  One of the things that struck me while engaged in this activity is that many of my friends that were with me would be pastor’s children like me.  In time, I grew to understand why it was so often that pastor’s children and children of other actively involved church members fell into loose lifestyles.  It was because they didn’t know love at home.  Love is always communicated to children through time spent, physical affection shown, verbal expressions of love and praise, and carefully listening to them.  Too often, parents that are very busy in the church reason incorrectly that they can leave off their responsibilities to their children because they are doing something that is more important and that somehow “God will fill in the blanks for their irresponsibility.”  There is nothing more important than the offices of love that you are called to carry out on God's behalf in the home.   

I can tell you from real life that God just does not automatically pick up the pieces when you fail to do your job.  This was a job that He called you to do.  If you do not carry out your responsibilities to your children, it does not magically happen some other way, and your children grow up with the unmistakable message that they do not matter and that the reason they did not matter was the fault of God or the church.  This is a recipe for disaster as I have seen it played out so often over the years.  And a close relative to this parental failure is men (or women in our modern age) spending too much time at work and not enough time with their families, incorrectly reasoning to themselves that they are doing it for the family.  Then they will try to buy back some of the affection by giving large gifts of material things.  But these will not buy back the time you did not spend with them, and it will not erase the message that is branded on their hearts that you did not love them enough to spend that time with them.  

Parenting is a very grave responsibility, and it is probably the most important thing that you will do in your lifetime, no matter who you are or what high reaches of society that you may be operating in.  It is a no-fail mission in God’s eyes, and make no mistake about it, God will hold you accountable.  The good news, as with all monumental tasks that God calls us to accomplish and to execute as flawlessly as possible, is that He will give us the wisdom and power to accomplish these things, if we spend time with Him so that He can put His power and His words into us.  As with all relationships in life, you do not want to try to live without His help, wisdom, and power.   

 


Comments

02/24/2016 4:14am

Families are always take care of each other in their problems because they knows the importance of their families members. Without the good families leaders the families cannot able to become happy and not able to live a good life.

Reply

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03/16/2016 12:27am

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    I'm a retired soldier, having spent 23 years of my life serving our country, actually 30 years when you count the reserve and National Guard time as well.  I believe in servant leaders, following the example of our Lord, and I believe in giving back to the troops once one has attained a certain status or level of success in life.  But I also believe in fighting back against corruption and incompetence wherever you find it if it hurts people.  Our national values were worth dying for.  They are also worth living for.  A man or woman can actually live a life by these principles of humility, service, love, duty, and honor, and have a significant impact on the world around them...if you have the dedication to see it through. 

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