She reportedly had a genius IQ and made many memorable quips to reporters. But one of her quotes has always stuck with me as it seemed to be a glimpse into the deep sadness of her heart. She noted that she had never been told she was pretty when she was a little girl and said, “All little girls should be told they’re pretty, even if they aren’t.” It seems so sad that such a beautiful woman would be doubtful of her own beauty. Not that there is no danger in vanity, but I believe that the need to be beautiful, to be admired, is hard-wired into every woman. I believe this is inextricably part of their self-worth.
I’ve tried to give my daughters constant encouragement about their own beauty, wanting them to always believe in their infinite worth. I think this is essential to their development. Every little girl and every woman should believe in their own beauty. Whether you are capable of perceiving it nor not, I believe every woman and girl has at least some beauty, some charm which is part of God’s plan. For those that were designed to eventually be married, I believe their unique beauty is built to fit into their eventual mate’s view of what beauty is, part of God’s marvelously intricate and accurate plans.
I know I had little understanding of feminine beauty when I was a young man. I knew when I saw a woman that I liked, but I had no idea what my ideal beauty should be, what my future mate should look like. When I finally relinquished control to God for this search for my mate, for my Eve, He went above my dreams to fulfill a reality that I could not have imagined because I did not truly know what I wanted and what I needed. When I saw my Lesia for the first time, though, I knew in my heart that this was it. You could say it was love at first sight, but it was more than that. This was love for the one who was designed for me and I for her. I felt like Adam seeing his Eve for the first time. Somehow, there was an abstract vision of beauty in my mind for which she was the perfect manifestation.
I don’t know how God does this, but He is an awesome God, and He knows us better than we know ourselves. He loves us better than we love ourselves and more than we or anyone could ever love us. So He knows what is best for us, and I believe, He designs, for every single man and woman that is designated for marriage, a perfect mate – an Adam for every Eve, and an Eve for every Adam – so long as we yield to His plans. Marriage is part of His original plan for us to “be fruitful and multiply.” And it is part of His perfect plan to found society upon this nucleus of family, begun in and founded on love, the most sure foundation in life. And, of course, that sure foundation is best built upon the ultimate love of God in the perfect gift of His Son on the cross. When founded upon that Agape love, our marriages will not fail because, when we remain true to sacrificial love to each other, and when we seek God’s presence and power in our lives regularly, we receive the capability to enact our love for each other to the fullest measure. Such a marriage cannot and will not fail.
One of the main reasons we fail in life or in relationships is because we don’t yield to God, and we don’t love humbly and unselfishly. When we refuse to relinquish control, and when we pursue self indulgence, we place ourselves on the destructive path of sin. Life is tough enough. We need God’s help to get through it successfully, and we desperately need His help to make our relationships in life successful. We should never forget that we are fatally flawed. That fatal flaw lurks in the background waiting for the moment to bring us down just like Achilles’ heel. We cannot escape that we are born into sin, but God can reclaim so much lost ground if we yield to His plan and His control and work with Him to improve our lives. Unfortunately, when two fatally flawed people are put together, the union can sometimes magnify the flaws or make inevitable a day of reckoning when the flaws of each reach apex. There will inevitably be days in which both people are at their weakest points and will yield to selfishness resulting in conflict, sometimes painful and damaging conflict.
(Continued on the next blog posting)